


The Shortest Office Sterek Fic Ever (Because Stuart Just Filled Out His Benefit Info for the Year and He is Sick of Your Flexible Spending Bullshit)

by FiccinDylan



Series: Sick of Your Shit Verse [9]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Office, Anal Fingering, But he should, Derek Morgan - Freeform, Derek can't tell the twins apart, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Office Party, Office Sex, STUSAAC, a LOT of anal fingering, but he does not call Stiles Pretty Boy, is mentioned, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3869071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart Stilinski doesn't like that his boss, Derek Hale, is fucking his brother.  </p>
<p>Of course, it was only a matter of time before the two started, and to their credit they were discreet.  The only reason Stuart even found out was due to Derek’s particular skill of never being able to tell the two apart.  Which meant getting fingered while trying to find a box of pens.  Getting fingered during a dimly lit company presentation while Stu took notes, filling in for Stiles who was out sick.  Getting fingered while trying to unplug the copier.</p>
<p>One of these days Stuart was actually going to use the pepper spray he carried around with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I should really stop calling these "shortest" because they're always so long, but I hope you guys don't mind. Life has been hard and Stu has helped perk things up so I hope you enjoy this!

**The Shortest Office Sterek Fic Ever (Because Stuart Just Filled Out His Benefit Info for the Year and He is Sick of Your Flexible Spending Bullshit)**

***

“Derek, wait! Oh God!” Stuart writhes (involuntarily, of _course_ ) against the hard muscle of his assailant as his back is pushed into the sharp metal shelving behind him. Normally Stuart would have the pepper spray out by now, but this assailant was not some thief trying to rob him; this assailant was Derek Hale, his boss. A boss who was currently pressing his entire body weight into Stuart and grinding his heated erection on said employee’s thigh.

“What did I tell you to call me at work?” Derek rasps into Stuart’s ear as Stuart reaches behind himself to try and remove Derek’s fingers from his ass. Derek simply growls and grinds harder, squeezing Stu’s ass and biting his neck.

"Oh fuck, _yes_ , I'll call you anything you want da-, _wait_! No!" The more Stuart struggles, the further Derek's suspiciously lubed fingers delve into Stu's honeypot. " _Unnh_ , Derek, yes! I mean, no! I mean... _right there_ , no! Isaa- son of a _bitch_!" Oh, the struggle. Sure, pepper spray would still be appropriate, but Stuart realizes that this isn't workplace sexual harassment (well, not _just_ workplace sexual harassment), it's simply a case of mistaken identity.

“I’m fucking not Stiles, _dammit_!” Derek stops immediately and pulls his head back searching the boy’s face in the dimness. He reaches up and pulls the cord turning on the overhead light in the supply closet and forces Stuart’s head to the left to examine his face. Derek silently begins to count the number of moles as Stuart wriggles to get out of his grasp.

“I have 2 less, I’m the little dipper, _fuck_!”

“Shut up, I’m counting.” Derek says calmly, the tone belying the glare of his gaze as he walks his fingers across Stuart’s jaw.

“I’m wearing glasses, you dick!” Stuart spits out. Derek shrugs and though he’s not grinning, spots of red begin to color his cheeks.

“Sometimes Stiles wears the frames when he’s being the naughty secretary.” Derek explains sheepishly before fondly getting lost in a memory. Stuart glares at him as though he’s grown a second head. Suddenly the door swings open and Stiles stands in the doorway heaving a sigh of relief.

“There you are!” he exclaims, holding his arms out to Derek. Derek steals a quick glance at Stuart and rolls his eyes before removing his final finger from the beleaguered boy's bussy and moving towards Stiles. Stuart is thankful that Derek has chosen to ignore his whimper at the loss.

“Stiles, you told me the supply closet.” Derek says as he manhandles Stiles into the same position he had Stuart in only on the opposite side of the closet. Stuart can’t move without brushing his erection on the back of Derek’s ass so he stands there and wills it to go down while Stiles argues with their boss. It’s a small closet.

“Dammit, Der! I told you the print shop. Remember, I wanted to christen the new copier?” Stiles complains in between kisses. Derek holds his head back and cocks an eyebrow.

“What did I tell you to call me, Stiles?” Derek asks, clearly massaging Stiles’ inner walls as his eyes roll in the back of his head.

" _Glug_." is all Stiles can say so Derek gives him a little shake to reset him. Stiles raises his eyebrow as Derek bores into him with intense hazel eyes meeting Stiles’ inherently horny topaz colored ones. Stiles winks.

“Sorry Mr. Hale. I hope you don’t write me up!” He teases, batting his long brown lashes. Derek grins and goes to kiss his _ass_ istant, but is interrupted by an annoyed groan behind him.

“Stuart get the hell out of here!” He grusses at the twin while Stiles waves his hand apologetically around Derek’s broad back. Stuart rolls his eyes and slaps Stiles' hand away causing Stiles to grunt and flip him off. A short (and cramped… and awkward) slap fight ensues until Derek growls (such an animal) and Stuart acquiesces, pouting.

“I was here first! And I need some fucking pens.” Stuart crosses his arms, accidentally elbowing Derek in the back.

“Get out of here or you’re fired!” Derek yells as Stuart huffs and storms out of the supply closet, slamming the door behind him. The door opens again briefly.

“See you later for lunch, love you bro!” Stiles calls out before descending into a litany of curses and awful office role play dialogue.

***

Stuart loves his job. He does payroll for Multiple Wolf References in a Human AU Industries; a Hale conglomerate that handles payroll for several of their subsidiaries. From Hot House Bakery to Oblivious Beans Coffee Shop, Stuart was in charge of making sure people got paid on time. He was a wiz with figuring out overtime differentials and making sure holiday and bonuses packages went out without a hitch. He even managed severance pay and worked hard to ensure that MWRHAU, Inc held an industry reputation for excellent service to their employees.

Stuart loves his coworkers. They’re serious and detail oriented and always get the job done. And hey, sometimes they cut loose. Whether it’s a rousing Friday night game of _Risk_ or a water cooler chat about last night’s _Shark Tank_ , the guys know how to relax and have fun. Work hard, play hard. Stuart is able to commune with HR departments across the conglomerate which means some travel that he loves. Just last week Stu visited the other corporate office and met Isaac Lahey, the new head of accounts. Tall, and brilliant, the young man took his hand assuredly and the two talked actuary tables (and hey, a little _Game of Thrones_ ) for hours. Yes, Stuart loves his coworkers.

Stuart loves his brother. Even though the little imp is older than him by a scant 3 hrs, Stuart still refers to Stiles as his little brother. They’ve always been partners in crime and have been close. Especially after their mom passed away, the two are inseparable. Stiles only got his job in the office because Stuart worked there. One day Stiles was bringing Stuart lunch to celebrate his new promotion and Stiles beamed at his brother with pride.

“Bro, this is awesome! You’re such a fucking adult, I’m so proud!” Stuart nodded as he unpacked his things and Stiles sat crosslegged on his desk eating a salad. Stuart’s heart swelled as he placed a picture of Stiles, their mother and father and himself on his desk.

There was a rap at the door and both boys turned to stare at Derek Hale, co-owner of the Hale Conglomerate. Stuart had spent 3 years working under Erica Reyes (a VP) and he was now working under the big boys. Stiles immediately waved his stupid wave and Stu glared at him and telepathically ordered him to get off of his desk and act like a normal human being.

Stiles didn’t move.

“Just checking to make sure you have everything you need, Stuart?” Derek said.. well, not to Stuart directly. His eyes hadn’t left Stiles who was equally staring back at him and missing his mouth while spilling salad all over Stuart’s desk. Stuart heaved a long sigh.

“Yes, Mr. Hale. Everything is great and I know to talk to Peter if I need anything.” Derek watched Stiles as he flicked his tongue around his mouth trying to catch stray salad dressing.

“Mr. Hale?” Derek suddenly snapped out of his state and cleared his throat while loosening his tie.

“Umm, Peter is no longer with us. He had some… behavioral issues and is taking an indefinite sabbatical upstate. If you know anyone interested in the position let me know. I’ll be here more so it will essentially be my PA as well as the Office Manager.”

Stuart nodded and thought about how Isaac told him he was looking for another position within the company. It would basically be a lateral move financially, but it would allow him to get some more management experience. Stuart was about to open his mouth to say so, but Stiles interrupted.

“That’s so nice of you to come by and check on your new employees, Mr. Hale!” Stiles said, words dripping with untoward motivation, as he clearly eyed Stu’s boss from head to toe. Derek grinned.

“Please, call me Derek.” He said while returning Stiles elevator look and somehow getting stuck on the basement level. Stiles grinned back and gave a coy wink.

“Hey Derek.” The two stared at each other for a moment while Stuart tried not to choke on the sexual tension.

“Okay everyone, I’m going to finish unpacking so I can get logged in, so…” He reached out and pinched Stiles who _finally_ broke eye contact, causing Derek to stutter.

“Y-yes, _ahem_ , if you need anything, you let me know Stuart.” As soon as Derek left the room, Stuart began to rub the bridge of his nose. He knew exactly what was coming next.

“Stuart! Get me that fucking job!” Stiles jumped on Stu and nuzzled his neck. “Please, please, please!”

Stuart could never deny those big brown pools that always seemed to sparkle more and be more doe-like than his own. He knew Stiles would get that job and Stu was probably going to regret every second. Stuart nodded while Stiles shook them both.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he said in between silly kisses all over Stu’s face. “I’m so excited, we’re going to be working together and your boss seems so nice!” Stuart just rolled his eyes.

Stuart hates his new boss. Derek was a former playboy who was forced into overseeing more of the company duties when his older sister -Laura Hale- stepped down. Stuart worked indirectly with Laura for years and saw her as a mentor. She cared about the job and would sometimes get in on their ongoing D&D game. She had a wicked intellect and cunning and Stuart wanted to be her. He was crushed to learn he’d be working under Derek who didn’t have the mathematical mind to really oversee his division. He was a Business major and could delegate well enough, but Stuart wasn’t sure he was ready to not have a safety net, or someone reliable to ask advice from.

He also didn’t like that Derek Hale was fucking his brother.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before the two started, and to their credit they were discreet. The only reason Stuart even found out was Derek’s particular skill of never being able to tell the two apart. Which meant getting fingered while trying to find a box of pens. Getting fingered during a dimly lit company presentation while Stu took notes, filling in for Stiles who was out sick. Getting fingered while trying to unplug the copier.

It didn’t help that Stiles borrowed a lot of Stu’s work clothes and sometimes wore plastic frames to appear smart and “officy” as he called it. It also didn’t help that sometimes Stuart wouldn’t protest as quickly as he probably should have. He wasn’t lacking in the dates department per se, but sometimes someone gets a finger in their ass and they think, “Well, I _am_ officially on break”, but realizing it’s Stu’s brother’s stupid bossfriend who thinks he’s his own twin kind of puts a damper on things… after a while.

So Stuart perseveres. Tries to use the buddy system when going to get supplies. Says something nerdy here and there to let Derek know he’s definitely _not_ Stiles and ‘ _could you please stop rubbing your fingers together while looking at my ass?_ ’ At this point he’s really considering getting a neck tattoo.

Derek almost always huffs, rolls his eyes and simply leaves to resume the hunt for Stiles. Stuart usually finds them later, fucking in some random spot, Stiles cursing up a storm.

Not that Stuart’s inconvenience should be mistaken for jealousy or anger towards his baby bro, Stuart loves that his brother is so happy. It’s just that everytime Derek’s molestations are cut off, Stu is reminded of the person’s whose fingers he’d rather have plundering his insides.

He’s thinking about him at that moment during the company party, across the room, slightly drunk. His legs are restless and he’s hopping up and down, his blond curls bouncing as though they’re begging to be asked to dance. Stuart’s about to walk over and make his move when he’s pulled through a side door out into a darkened hall and suddenly there’s a hot tongue at his throat and a hand snaking down the back of his pants, squeezing his ass.

“Fuck, Derek! I’m no-” Stiles protestations are stopped by Derek’s tongue plunging into Stu’s mouth and grinding their cocks together. Stuart throws his head back, dislodging Derek from sucking out his fillings and pants.

“Shit! I know way too much about what the inside of your mouth tastes like!” Stu stutters trying to push Derek off. Derek gives a grin and Stu can see the glint of his teeth in the dimly lit hallway.

“It’s good, right?” Derek says as he snakes a finger between Stu’s cheeks. Stuart does his best to clamp up and finally pushes Derek away from him while he catches his breath. Derek looks Stu up and down and sighs as though exasperated.

“Stuart?! Are you _fucking_ kidding me? Stiles said he’d be wearing that jacket with the boutonniere!” Stuart looks down at the red rose in his jacket and remembers Stiles asking him to hold it while he cut it up on the dance floor. Stu points an accusatory finger at his boss.

“Dammit Derek! First off, this is not my fault! I wear glasses, _real_ glasses! They make my eyes smaller because I’m blind as a bat without them! And I have less moles! And I’m fucking me and Stiles is not, _shit_ , learn to tell us apart!” Stuart pants while Derek has at least a little decency to look repentant. Stuart decides to continue now that he’s on a roll, “And Stiles is pretty fucking incompetent. I love him, he’s my brother, but if he doesn’t get sex and caffeine at least 10 times a day -and I’ll let you work out that ratio- he’s pretty fucking unbearable. I on the other hand and pretty stable and fluid! If you want to know it’s me just show up and if I’m not grinding in your lap and filling your mouth with coffee breath, you’ll know! And _fuck_! What is up with all the fingering?!” Derek simply looks at Stuart bored and shrugs. Stuart exhales and points at the door.

“You stay here, I’ll go get him.” Stuart walks back into the auditorium and sees his brother doing some combination of the sprinkler, the Macarena and the Kid’n’Play on the dance floor. He can’t believe Derek thought that was him out there. He shakes his head and tells Stiles to meet Derek in the hall.

“You might wanna start fingering yourself now.” Stiles simply nods and pushes his brother causing him to bump into someone behind him. Stuart turns apologetically and is face to face with Isaac. Both look at each other sheepishly before Isaac shrugs and starts moving with the music. Stuart looks back and Stiles gives him a wink before slipping out the door.

Stuart arrives at work the next day in good spirits. Sure, every job has his setbacks, but he loves it and wouldn’t trade it for the world. At the end of the day he’s heading towards the parking garage and is met with Derek Hale standing at his car. Stuart drops his bag and puts both hands up as Derek takes a step towards him.

“Derek! Stiles doesn’t even fucking drive!” He closes his eyes as Derek comes closer and opens them when Derek pushes him lightly on the shoulder.

“I know it’s you this time, Stu. I just wanted to apologize about my behavior last night and I promise you it won’t happen again. You’re being transferred.” Derek places a hand on Stu’s shoulder and it’s the only thing holding Stu up.

Transferred? But he loved his job! And now he was being transferred because his fucking douche face of a boss couldn’t keep his fingers to himself?! What the actual fuck?!

“What the fuck, dude!? I swear we get dressed separately and only end up wearing the same shit on accident. I can make a chart! I even tried to switch cologne so we’d smell different, but he just ends up using it anyway. But like, shit, maybe we can wear name tags?” Stuart freaks out until Derek shakes his shoulder, bringing him back to the present.

“Stuart, it’s not a demotion, it’s a promotion. You’ll be in charge of Payroll and Budgeting at our sister office. You’ll be working alongside Isaac Lahey. Stiles mentioned you two worked well together?” Stuart immediately perks up. Maybe his boss wasn’t such an assy jerkface after all.

“Uhh, okay, yeah. Thank you, Mr. Hale. I look forward to working with Mr. Lahey and furthering our relationship-” Derek raises an eyebrow while Stuart covers, “- _professionally_.” Stuart slides into his car and peels away while Stiles walks out into the lot.

Stuart sees him wrap himself around Derek and kissing him sweetly and shrugs. He’s sure his bro will be able to find a ride home.

***

A month later, Stiles strolls into Stuart’s office to take him out to lunch. Stuart has been insanely happy and productive and even won a service award for the charitable missions he setup for the company. Stiles had Derek’s black card and was going to wine and dine his baby brother to celebrate.

He turns the corner and start walking down the hall to the double office Stu shares with Isaac. Stiles is hoping one day to catch them fucking on the sofa. Despite his brother’s coyness, he knows he’s been getting some. Stiles is about to walk in when the door beside him opens and he’s pulled into the supply closet. A hot, pouty mouth gobbles his up, tongue darting in eagerly as a strong, lean hand snakes its way into the front of Stiles’ pants, grabbing his rapidly filling junk and squeezing away.

Stiles pants, simultaneously trying to push Isaac back and grabbing his ass to pull him closer, “Fuck, is this what Stu goes through?” Isaac pulls his head back and looks at Stiles confused.

“What?” he asks while Stiles makes kissy faces at the air, trying idly to find Isaac’s lips.

“Nothing, I’m talking about myself in the 3rd person!” Stiles tries to insist, but Isaac furrows his brow.

“I don’t… what?” he asks confused. Stiles sighs and points to his face.

“I have extra moles.” The door opens and there stands Stuart who surveys the scene where Isaac’s hand is still down Stiles’ pants and Stiles is not too subtly trying to create a little bit of friction.

“Hey twin!” Stiles calls out as Isaac removes his hand quickly from Stiles’ pants. Isaac looks between the two guiltily.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry, Stu. Stiles hasn’t really been around and I don’t see him and I thought it was you and-” Stuart walks into the closet and cuts him off with a sound kiss, grinding their groins together. Isaac lets out a stuttered sigh while Stiles cocks his head to the side and watches in admiration.

“Aww… you two are so cute!” Stuart grins at Isaac, but rolls his eyes.

“Stiles, get the hell out of here!” Stuart is about to kiss Isaac again, but Stiles pouts.

“I don’t wanna!”

“Stiles, _out_!”

“How about I call Derek?”

“Dammit, Stiles!”

“I’ll be quiet, I promise!”

“Stiles get the fuck out!” Stiles stumbles into the hall before the supply closet door slams shut again. He sees their admin, Kira, sitting at her desk and smirking at Stiles. Stiles gives her a wink.

“So I didn’t hear a no on calling Derek.” He yells towards to the supply room door. Stiles hears a stifled groan (or was that a moan?) from inside the closet and turns nodding at Kira.

“I’mma call Derek.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by [Fatcamp!](dansdreams.tumblr.com)


	2. But Until Then...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac evaluates his relationship with Stuart... and with Stiles (and kind of with Derek).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So usually these things are one shots, but I couldn't get this out of my mind. It was written quickly and unbeta'd today so keep that in mind. I hope you enjoy it!!

“Fucking Canon Pro XL my _ass_!” Stuart curses at the wayward machine that has not only eaten the originals for his report, but is now making a sad crunching noise as it tries to three hole punch the thing. An option that Stuart is _sure_ he didn’t choose.

With an exasperated sigh he drops to his knees, squeezing his upper body behind the massive behemoth and reaches for the power cord to reset it.

“You knew this was coming, copier. Be good for Uncle Stu, mmkay?” It was not okay as the copier was placed at such an angle to ensure you had to be a cirque du soleil hopeful to even unplug the damned thing. And on top of that, it was the only way to reset the machine which meant Stu was going to have to wait another 10 minutes while the insufferable thing woke up for the day. He considered throwing coffee inside but thought he himself might fare better with the caffeine injection.

“C’mon, old girl,” Stu pleaded to the plus sized machine with the ridiculously short power cord. He conjured up all of his Aeon Flux skills and will his spine to stretch and bend further and finally he connected with the plug, yanking it out of the wall. His small victory was short lived as he felt a warm hand on the cusp of his ass.

“Oh no!” Before he could get out another sound he heard a faint growl and his pants and underwear were being pushed below his waist. He felt a finger prodding his hole and instinctively (he swears he didn’t do it on purpose!) he reared back trying to get some more. Stuart protested and while most of the important words were traded out for moans and horny grunts, the message was the same: He was _not_ Stiles and could Derek please just… mmm.. move his finger a bit to the ri- _stop_! Ahem, that’s what Stuart wanted. He wanted Derek to stop!

“Derek, stop!” Stu manages to wriggle his torso from behind the copier and points to the cabinet where his glasses lie abandoned. Derek looks and rolls his eyes taking a moment to glare at Stu for having the audacity to not be Stiles at that precise moment.

And at the precise moment, Stiles walks into the copy room. His eyes light up and he begins bouncing up and down.

“Oh my gosh, you guys found a better more fun method to reset the copier? Let’s call it the ‘ _knuckle challenge_ ’! Tag me in Stu!” Stuart gets up, finally dislodging Derek’s finger and packs his junk away before grabbing his glasses and hitting Stiles on the back of his head. Stiles slaps Stu’s ass on the way out and then pulls down his own pants to get into position.

“Oh no, Gertie! Down again. Guess I’ll have to get on all fours and restart you. I hope nothing strange happens while I’m down there.”

Derek growls and Stu makes sure he locks the door on the way out.

Stu heads to his office, resolving to just make the 50 copies from his little work printer. He always has a backup plan and as much as he protests, he’s not as put out by the whole workplace molestation as he probably should be. Honestly the whole thing really didn’t bother him. The sheriff was a frugal man so the twins grew up splitting almost everything they got. During college if Stu had a boyfriend they would end up on the couch and later, while the guy was in the bathroom, Stu would sneak off to his own room. He always told them his door was the 2nd on the right, but somehow his paramours usually ended up in Stiles’ bed.

He went searching one night for this mochacino hottie - Agent Morgan as Stu insisted on calling him- he’d invited over and found him sucking Stiles’ dick. Stiles looked at him with wild, confused and horny eyes.

“Bro! I think we have an intruder, but I think the only thing he’s trying to take is my dick!” Stiles nearly looked distressed, “I’m so not a top bro, but he’s being so nice to my dick! Help!” Morgan grinned and then stared at the boys. He was an FBI agent and realized his mistake, but was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Stu rolls his eyes at the memory of him shutting and locking the door behind him.

He and his brother were a unit, a package deal so to speak, Derek seemed to understand this complicitly and so never seriously complained about Stu’s presence or him and his brother’s closeness. He seemed to like someone was there taking care of Stiles when he couldn’t, so the indiscretion of Derek’s fingers didn’t bother him so much as the fact that Derek’s fingers weren’t the ones he wanted.

He didn’t think he’d ever get the ones he wanted, the ones that belonged to finance wunderkind Isaac Lahey. But 3 months after the copier incident those fingers became his. Now, 3 months after that, those fingers were currently jacking off his brother’s cock inside a crowded storage closet. Isaac looks at Stiles and then at Stuart in the doorway in horror.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry, Stu! Stiles hasn’t really been around and normally I can tell you two apart, I swear. I thought it was you and I’m so, so-” Stuart silences his new love with a kiss that gets real steamy, real fast. He pushes Stiles out of the closet and continues kissing his boyfriend.

Later in their office the men chat.

“Stu again, I’m so sorry about the thing with Stiles, it’ll never happen again.” Isaac implored with glossy bright blue eyes. Stu grins.

“Isaac, it’s okay, really. We’re identical twins and the only way our own dad can tell us apart is the moles. Mom was the only person who just knew, we’ve always been two sides of the same coin. It’ll happen again, I’m sure, just don’t stress about it.” Isaac nods and reaches over to hold Stu’s hand.

“I’d choose you every time, Stuart.” Isaac says as he runs his thumb across Stu’s knuckles. Stuart can’t help the blush that comes to his cheek.

***

A few months pass and Stuart and Isaac make so many innovations that they are promoted -this time as a duo- back to headquarters to serve as VP’s of the conglomerate’s finance divisions. The two settle back into the main office, coming in a day early to setup. Stiles is running late, but promises to take the two to lunch to celebrate.

Stuart goes into the supply closet to get a box of pens and before he knows it is accosted.

“Damn, I can’t believe I’ve actually missed this.” He says as regrettably familiar digits plunge into his ass and a scratchy cheek rubs into his neck.

“ _Stiles-_ ” his assailant rasps out, causing Stu’s eyes to roll in the back of his head. Well, that, and Derek’s pointer just found Stu’s prostate.

“Dammit Derek, I know that you’ve figured out it’s me!” Derek pulls his head back and huffs, shrugging.

“For old time’s sake?” He tries. Stu’s mouth drops open, but before he can yell, the door flies open.

***

“ _Okay, I can do this, it won’t be weird with Stu and Stiles working together again.”_ Isaac paces his and Stu’s new office deep in thought about the future. “ _I mean, I can tell them apart. When they talk their voices are different. Stiles is always excited and bright, Stu is always a little sarcastic and cunning. He’s such a little shit… my little shit._ ” Isaac smiles at a photobooth strip they took at a company charity carnival he and Stu hosted a few months before.

Isaac was whipped. He’s crazy in love with Stuart Przeznaczenie Stilinski who just so happened to be the identical twin of Spelnione “Stiles” Zyczymy Stilinski. He knew as soon as he saw those gorgeous Topaz eyes made striking by creamy skin littered with beauty marks, he was a goner. And that was just looking at Stiles! But all of those features coupled with Stuart’s glasses (okay, so Isaac has a thing for hot boys in glasses) and acerbic wit created a force that Isaac could not deny. Stuart was everything he wanted and Isaac wanted to give him everything. He wanted to start by giving Stuart the benefit of being able to tell him apart from his fucking brother.

And he swears, he can! As soon as they start talking it’s clear, but there’s something inherently dominant about Stu’s body that Stiles’ body lacks. Isaac knows it when he lowers himself onto Stu’s cock, riding him on the couch in their office (okay, so Isaac has a bit of an office sex kink). He knows the difference when Stu is conquering his lands in an increasingly violent game of _Risk_ and then sucking him off to say sorry for overturning the board when Isaac manages to take three of his countries back.

Stiles could care less about any of that and it shows as the glaze in his eyes belie the polite smile trapped on his face while Stuart and Isaac are discussing their nerdly pursuits.

And Isaac would have plenty of time to make a list of even more distinctions. The two were pretty much constantly together and had been since they were born. When Stu got a paper route, Stiles would help him. When Stiles joined a club in college, Stuart would be his second in command. No matter where one ended up working, the other would find a position in that same company. They lived together and despite Derek and Stiles getting closer, the conversation of splitting up was never once that came close to the table. They were a package deal and Derek seemed to know it and Isaac was learning each day. Which again is why it was so important to Isaac that he do Stu the courtesy of respecting his agency. He didn’t want Stu to think that Isaac believed the two to be interchangeable. Sure, Stiles was a hot piece of ass, but Isaac was in love with _his_ hot piece of ass. No matter how tantalizing Stiles became, Isaac knew it was only because he was built just like his brother. The struggle was real.

Isaac still couldn’t believe the time he pulled Stiles into the closet. He noticed his mistake right away, but he really noticed how neither Stuart nor Stiles seemed to mind. Isaac was sure that Stuart was just used to it, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t bother him sometimes, or that Isaac couldn’t try. He wants Stu to know that Isaac wants _him_. That he is different in very important ways from his brother and that Isaac sees that! And that even though they’ll be working together in close quarters, Isaac will never make the mistake and will definitely not molest Stu’s brother thinking it’s him. Isaac sighs and makes up in his mind that he’s going to find Stu and tell him right now!.

Isaac heads towards Derek’s office because he’s sure Stu went to find Stiles. He remembers that Stu mentioned needing some pens so he - _being the good boyfriend who doesn’t confuse his lover with his twin brother that he is_ \- decides to grab a box for Stu. When he opens the door he’s treated to a vision of Stu (not unkindly) slapping Derek’s face and reaching back to grab Derek’s hand from inside his pants.

“Uhh…” Isaac wants to curse, yell, be mad, do anything that someone normal would do in this situation. But Isaac isn’t akin to being proactive in tough situations. He usually waits for the initial response and then curates his reaction based on that. But instead of guilt, anger, or even surprise, all he gets is indifference, exasperation and mild horniness. So Isaac responds in kind. Instead of being angry about Derek’s fingers in Stu’s ass, he stands there slightly bemused at the slap that Stu delivered across Derek’s face.

“There you are!” Stiles voice booms behind Isaac as the young boy pushes his way in trying to wrap himself around Derek. Stuart stops him and holds him back to one side while pushing Derek further into the closet. He grabs Isaac, pulling him in roughly and kisses him.

He hikes a leg around Isaac’s hips and Isaac finally responds, kissing back and wrapping both of Stu’s legs around his waist. Isaac doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, but hes willing to ride it out and see what happens.

What happens is Derek growling and trying to get around the two to get at Stiles; and Stiles giggling and trying to reach for Derek. After a moment when it seems like the thrusting, gesticulating couple won’t be slowing down anytime soon, Derek lets out a frustrated huff and Isaac feels a finger lightly tracing his jaw. A finger that had just been inside of his boyfriend. Isaac’s eyes shoot open and he throws his head back, his lips inadvertently chasing the finger.

If you’d told Isaac a year ago that in one year’s time he’d be dry humping his boyfriend in a supply closet while sucking on his boss’s finger and watching his boyfriend’s twin brother whisper something into his brother’s ear (but really, what could he be saying that requires that much tongue?), Isaac would have recommended you visit the involuntary stay spa and resort Uncle Peter ~~was sent to~~ visited. Such as it was, Isaac wondered if they had any vacancies for himself.

He was clearly losing his mind and the wet heat at his neck and the way the brothers’ lips brushed together when Stu turns his head to say something back to Stiles was enough for Isaac to freak the fuck out thank you very much.

He flails out and reaches for the doorknob, securing Stuart in his grasp and getting the fuck out of Dodge. He bowls Stiles over who is laughing his ass off while Derek comes out and picks Stiles up dusting him off. Isaac steals a glance back and doesn’t miss Derek’s disappointedly horny glare towards him. Isaac high tails it back to the safety of his and Stu’s soundproofed, magic glassed office.

He throws Stuart on the couch and kisses him deeply before standing up and pacing the office, running his fingers through his bouncy curls. Stu comes up behind him and puts both hands on his shoulders.

“Isaac, sweetie. Was that too much? Don’t worry! Stiles and I like to flirt around sometimes and Derek’s an enormous ass, but his fingers are fucking amazing. Please don’t feel weird, I don’t want it to bother you.” Isaac turns around and draws Stuart into his embrace. He inhales at Stu’s neck and swears he can smell the brand of cologne that Derek uses. The fact that it makes him a little bit harder is not lost on him.

“He’s our fucking boss!” Isaac nearly yells at Stuart’s face. And yes… Isaac may have a bit of a boss fetish, but Stu takes the apprehension to mean something else.

“Well yeah, he’s our boss. But Stiles is _his_ boss.” Isaac’s lust caused short circuit reads as confusion on his face and Stuart pats his chest and goes to sit in Isaac’s chair. He slowly starts taking off his shoes and socks and lowering his pants.

“Stiles has Derek wrapped around his little finger and the only things that Stiles loves more than Derek are dad and me.” He folds his pants into a neat pile and shrugs off his jacket. “Besides, you and I control so much of the money in this company that if they did try to fuck with us, it’d take forever for them to straighten everything out. To put it not so crassly… we have job security.” Stu winks and begins to unbutton his cuffs and loosen his tie. Isaac swallows and licks his lips, suddenly frozen in place.

“But.. but you and Stiles?” He asks as he sits on the sofa and continues to watch as Stuart takes off his shirt and folds it neatly adding it to the pile. Stuart shrugs and pulls off his undershirt.

“I’ve told you before, Daddy always taught us to share.” Isaac remembers to blink, but quickly so as not to miss Stuart stepping out of his boxers and throwing them to land on Isaac’s head. Isaac shakes them off of his head in time to see Stuart removing his glasses.

“No!” Isaac says suddenly. “Leave them on, I… I like them.” Stuart gives a wicked grin and sits back in Isaac’s chair, crooking a finger and beckoning Isaac to come. Isaac licks his lips and slinks over to his lover waiting for him in the chair. He throws off his jacket, then straddles Stuart, kissing him deeply and warm as their tongues mingle together leaving both men breathless.

“I’ve told you about Derek Morgan, right? The FBI agent?” Stuart asks, unbuttoning Isaac’s shirt and loosening his tie before nipping lightly at Isaac’s collarbone. Isaac nods while Stu continues, “Well that was just the beginning. Sometimes I’d bring a guy home, sometimes Stiles would. Sometimes we’d share him, sometimes we wouldn’t.” Stu appears nonchalant as his flicks his tongue against Isaac’s nipple. Isaac gasps.

“Shit, Stu. And… and now? Do you still share?” Isaac peers into Stu’s dilated pupils, large black orbs framed in a ring of golden amber. Stuart looks into Isaac’s blue/gray eyes.

“Well I think Derek’s it for him, and I know that fucker can tell us apart, but… and I would never admit this to him, but I also think he lifts weights with just his fingers because they are fucking unreal! But really, it’s up to you, sweetheart. I love you and I’ll respect whatever you decide. Stiles will too, like I said, he’d lay down in traffic for me and I got him laid a LOT during college. He kind of owes me.” Stuart squeezes Isaac who grins sheepishly. He stands up with Isaac in tow and lays him out on the desk underneath him. He slides down Isaac’s pants and pulls out his leaking cock. Stuart winks briefly at Isaac before leaning over and running the tip of his tongue alongside the vein on the bottom of Isaac’s dick until he digs it into Isaac’s slit.

“Oh fuck, Stu. So fucking good, baby.” Isaac can feel Stuart smiling as he begins to suckle as Isaac’s head. Suddenly there’s a rap at the door and to Isaac’s horror the door begins opening. He immediately relaxes upon seeing that it’s Stiles and he’s more concerned with that reaction than Stiles actually being there while Isaac has his dick in his twin’s mouth.

“Hey guys!” He greets warmly as he walks in. He’s sheepish, but not at the scene in front of him, but rather the one he feels responsible for causing earlier. “Sorry Isaac. Not everyone is so used to Stu and I and Derek certainly doesn’t help make things less confusing. It’s one of the things I love most about him.”

Isaac tries to focus on Stiles’ apology, but is having trouble concentrating as Stuart rolls his balls around his mouth with his tongue.

“Uhh.. ahem. Umm, it’s okay Stiles. No harm done, I guess- _shit, Stu_ , uhh, I panicked. Well thanks for stopping by, but we’re kinda in the middle of something,” Isaac indicates with his finger as though that will make it more clear he’s getting his brain sucked out through his dick, “so we’ll stop by lat- _fuck, Stu! You’re fucking mouth!_ ”

Stiles laughs brightly and takes off his jacket.

“No problem! You won’t even notice us!” Stiles insists as he undresses quickly. Isaac is about to close his eyes and put his head back when he focuses on a very important part of Stiles’ statement.

“Wait, what? _Us_?!” He looks over and sees Derek already half naked and locking the door. He comes behind Stiles and picks him up throwing him Peter Pan style across the room and onto the couch. He regards Stuart’s technique briefly before throwing Isaac a wink and walking towards Stiles.

Isaac leans his head back off of the desk and watches while Derek tongues at Stiles’ ass. His own cock is lodged deep into Stu’s throat and he wonders about his current predicament. Sure, when it came to bucking societal norms, Isaac may start out a little slow on the uptake, but once he’s informed he’s an ace at finding ways little idiosyncrasies can benefit him. He thinks about a certain way as he sees Derek frantically searching for something as Stiles writhes on the couch in front of him.

Isaac grabs the back of Stuart’s neck and pushes him to sitting in his chair. He winks at Stuart and quietly opens the middle drawer pulling out a small bottle of lube. Stuart smirks as Isaac waves the bottle in front of him.

“How many weeks of paid vacation do you think we can get right now?” He whispers to Stu. Stu pretends to calculate and cocks an eyebrow at his cunning tow headed lover.

“He owns a chateau in St. Lucia.” Stu says. Isaac grins and kisses Stu soundly.

“Hey Derek,” he calls out, “looking for something?”

***

A few weeks later Stuart and Isaac are laying naked on a beach drinking coconut drinks and eating seafood paella and ceviche. Stuart is reading on his tablet and Isaac is reviewing the rules for a Monopoly/Risk hybrid game he’s inventing.

“I’m glad we did this.” Stu says as Isaac feeds him another prawn.

“Me too.” Isaac says as he leans in for a kiss. They’re interrupted by a shriek and giggle as Stiles runs frantically from Derek who is chasing him over the sand. Isaac covers the food while they tussle around them before both of the men run howling into the ocean.

Stiles turns and yells back at them, “Get in this fucking water you nerds! We’re on vacation, wheee!” Derek now has Stiles on his shoulders and is splashing water at him. Isaac shakes his head and pops a scallop in his mouth.

“So Stiles is the boss of Derek, but Derek is our boss. So that makes Stiles the boss of everyone, huh?” Stuart nods as he watches Stiles swat at Derek who has a bitefull of Stiles’ ass.

“He’s tough but fair.” Stuart muses. “He’s loyal, cares about meeting the needs of the people even though sometimes he’s the one to decide what those needs are.”

“I’m counting to ten and if you two dorks aren’t in this water I’m going to fucking piss on you in your sleep!” Stiles yells from the ocean before a wave crashes over him and Derek. Isaac knows that Stiles would do anything for his Stuart and his Derek. And hell, now his Isaac.

Isaac nods his head.

“Tough, but fair.” Isaac stands and grabs Stuarts hands before pulling hard and hauling him over his shoulder. Stuart yelps and laughs as they trudge towards the water. Stiles waves.

“Yes, it’s about time you losers! Ooh, bring the waterproof lube!” Isaac is about to head back, but Stu pinches his ass and shows him that he’s always prepared. Isaac gallops to the shore and runs in bellowing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you've ever wondered how some writers operate, I'll be posting the chat I had with my beta about this piece [over on my Tumblr](http://tmblr.co/ZmUg2q1k3AwTW)! Come and check it out! 
> 
> Also, check out the translation for the twin's names. They have ~meaning.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love and of course feel free to come visit me at [FiccinDylan, my Tumblr!](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)


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